With a Little Help From My Muse

Okay, it may be a bit meshuggah, well a lot meshuggah, but some things are beyond my control. Sometimes the muse inspires poetry, sometimes prose. This week it happened to be Passover song parodies. So it goes. It was the 27th of Shevat, 5724—fifty years ago—when Ed Sullivan first hosted the Beatles. Not a particularly Jewish event, but Passover is a holiday that reminds us of new beginnings—why not mark the start of Beetlemania? Regardless, music, and joy are always a part of a seder so have fun with these.

1. To the tune of Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band

It was very, very long ago

Pharaoh finally let our people go

They went wandering for forty years

There was laughter and a lotta tears

And that’s the reason that we’re here

So every generation knows, of

God and Moses’ Liberation Plan

It’s God and Moses’ Liberation Plan

It must have been an awesome sight

It’s God and Moses’ Liberation Plan

We hope you will enjoy the night

God and Moses’ Liber- (We hope you like chopped liver)

God and Moses’ Liberation Plan

It's wonderful to be here

It's certainly a thrill

You're such a lovely family

We’re happy that you’re here with us

We’re happy that you’re here

It’s time to really start the meal

I can only guess what you must feel

That the singing’s going to be off key

Well, that’s the way it’s gonna be

So let me introduce to you

A Seder you’ll not soon forget

And God and Moses’ Liberation Plan

2. To the tune of With A Little Help From My Friends

What would you think if I gave you a tune

To help you recall what we do?

Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song

and you’ll know exactly when we’re through

Oy, I get by with a little help from my friends

Mmm I get chai with a little help from my friends

Mmm going to try with a little help from my friends

We start with Kadesh, blessings over the wine

Then we wash our hands, it’s called Ur’chatz

Next is Karpas when we chew on some greens

And break matzah when we do Yachatz

Mmm I get chai with a little help from my friends

Mmm going to try with a little help from my friends

(Is it time to tell the story?)

Yes, we call it Magid

(Could it be any story?)

You get to choose what to read

(Would you believe we wash hands one more time?)

Yes I'm certain and it’s called Rachtzah

(What do we do just before the meal comes?)

We make Motzi and we taste Matzah

Oy, I get by with a little help from my friends

Mmm I get chai with a little help from my friends

Oy, I'm going to try with a little help from my friends

(Is there something else to do then?)

We taste the bitter Maror)

(Would it now be time for Korech?)

Yes, the sandwich that we all adore

(Doesn’t that lead into serving the feast?)

Yes thank God that it’s Shulchan Orech

(Then the kids look for the missing piece?)

Yes Tsafun, followed by Barech

(What do they call the Psalms of praise?)

That’s Hallel, and that’s what’s next

(Does this ritual ever end?)

Yes Nirtzah is the end of the text

Oy, I get by with a little help from my friends

Mmm going to try with a little help from my friends

Oy, I get chai with a little help from my friends

Yes I get by with a little help from my friends

With a little help from my friends….

3. To the tune of Norwegian Wood

We’ll h-a-a-a-a-v-e one cup of wine, or did he say, we will have four

I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I might call it quits if all they have is Manischewitz

He asked us to sit, and he told us that it’s time to pray

My prayer was answered, thank God, there’s some fine Cabernet!

I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I did as he said, biding my time, drinking his wine

He-e-e-e-e-e talked until nine and then he said “Soon we will dine”

He told me that midnight’s as late as it normally goes

I told him “I’m starving” and then I started to doze

A-a-a-a-a-n-d when I awoke I was alone, the Seder was done

I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I poured a bit more, I had to drink, cups two, three and four…

4. To the tune of Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds

Picture yourself at an elegant banquet

The table is set, the kitchen smells good

Somebody calls you, it’s your turn for reading

We’re hours away from the food

And yet you remember that there was a time

Thousands of years before

When we were slaves, and life was embittered with tears…

Dipping into brine with parsley

Dipping into brine with parsley

Dipping into brine with parsley

Aaaaahhhhh...

Follow the blessing with one sprig of parsley

Then ravenous people eat crudité plates

Somebody smiles and says, “Please pass the celery.”

You’re in an insatiable state

This symbol of springtime soon disappears

They’ve polished the whole platter off

You had been hoping for much more to eat

But it’s gone

Dipping into brine with parsley

Dipping into brine with parsley

Dipping into brine with parsley

Aaaaahhhhh...

5. To the tune of You've Got To Hide Your Love Away

Here I stand matzah in hand

What am I supposed to do?

I took the middle piece of three

Now I break it in two….

Everywhere children stare

Each and every one

They will watch my every move

Until the deed is done…

Hey! We've got to hide one half away

Hey! We've got to hide one half away

Every one of them will search

They will look around

In and out of every drawer

Turn the house upside-down

Which of them will win the prize?

Soon we will all know

When the piece is brought to me

I’ll fork out the dough

Hey! We've got to hide one half away

Hey! We've got to hide one half away

6. To the tune of Help!

Help, I got a question

Help, I got lotsa questions

Help, I need some information, help!

Why are the other nights so different from today

On other nights we eat some bread

Now it’s matzah all the way

On other nights the veggies are superb

Why tonight we take a bite of pungent bitter herbs

Help me with this meal that you’ve created

And I know we’re not supposed to feel inflated

But there’s so much here that needs to be debated

Won't you please, please help me

On other night we don’t dip our veggies once

Why tonight we dip them twice? I’m feeling like a dunce

On other nights we sit upright, nobody seems to lean

But tonight’s a different sight

I wonder what that means

Help me with this meal that you’ve created

And I know we’re not supposed to feel inflated

But there’s so much here that needs to be debated

Won't you please, please help me, help me, help me, ooh

7. To the tune of Eleanor Rigby

Ah, look at all four types of children

Ah, look at all four types of children

First is the Wise One: asks of the statutes and laws that our God has commanded of us

How to discuss?

She waits for an answer…tell her of laws of the Passover Seder, and all that we eat

She can’t be beat

All four types of children

Where do they all come from?

All four types of children

Where do they all belong?

Then comes the Wicked: watch as he sneers as he’s asking what this means to you. What can you do?

Then you must tell him, he’d not have been freed from bondage in Egypt had he been there

What does he care?

All four types of children

Where do they all come from?

All four types of children

Where do they all belong?

Ah, look at all four types of children

Ah, look at all four types of children

As for the Simple: Her question is basic, she simply inquires "What is this?" Don’t be remiss. "With a strong hand, God took us from Egypt, and freed us from bondage that day.”

That’s what you say

All four types of children

Where do they all come from?

All four types of children

Where do they all belong?

As for the last child, this is the one who does not even know how to ask. Don’t take him to task. You bring up the subject, “This marks what God did for me just by setting me free.

One day you’ll see.”

All four types of children

Where do they all come from?

All four types of children

Where do they all belong?

Ah, look at all four types of children

Ah, look at all four types of children

  

8. To the tune of Please Please Me

Last night I said these words to Pharaoh

I know one day you’ll let my people go

C'mon (C'mo), c'mon (C'mon), c'mon (C'mon), c'mon (C'mon)

Please please let us go, I ask of you

I hate to stand before you smugly

But plagues like these get rather ugly

C'mon (C'mon), c'mon (C'mon), c'mon (C'mon), c'mon (C'mon)

Please please let us go, I ask of you

I don't wanna sound complaining

But you know it could be raining locusts (yes, locusts!)

Maybe this will sound like treason, it's so hard to reason

With you, whoah yeah, what are we gonna do

Last night I said these words Pharaoh

I know one day you’ll let my people go

C'mon (C'mon), c'mon (C'mon), c'mon (C'mon), c'mon (C'mon)

Please please let us go, I ask of you

Whoa yeah, I ask of you

Whoa yeah, I ask of you

9. To the tune of I Want To Hold Your Hand

Oh yeah, I'll tell you something

I think you'll understand

When I'll say that something

We wanna leave your land

We wanna leave your land

We wanna leave your land

 Oh please, say to me

You’ll let us leave as planned

And please, say to me

You'll let us leave your land

You'll let us leave your land

We wanna leave your land

And if I strike my rod

Upon the mud

You won’t be happy as your water

Turns to blood

Turns to blood

Turns to blood

Oh yeah, I'll tell you something

I think you'll understand

When I'll say that something

We wanna leave your land

We wanna leave your land

We wanna leave your land

And if you don’t relent

Your life will be spoiled

We’ve got some other plagues

Like frogs, lice, and boils

Lice and boils

Lice and boils

Oh yeah, you’ve got that something

I think you'll understand

When I'll say that something

We wanna leave your land

We wanna leave your land

We wanna leave your land

We wanna leave your la-a-a-a-a-a-nd

10. To the tune of Day Tripper

God is the reason, we crossed the Red Sea on dry land

God is the reason, we crossed the Red Sea on dry land

He was a sea splitter, with Pharaoh in pursuit

It took us so long to get out, but we got out

The Lord said to Moses, go to the edge of the sea

The Lord said to Moses, go to the edge of the sea

He was a sea splitter, with Pharaoh in pursuit

It took us so long to get out, but we got out

We jumped in the sea, yeah, that’s when the waters withdrew

We jumped in the sea, yeah, that’s when the waters withdrew

He was a sea splitter, the chariots all got stuck

It took us so long to get out, but we got out

Sea splitter

Sea splitter yeah

Sea splitter

Sea splitter yeah

11. To the tune of Yesterday

Yesterday…Exodus may seem so far away

But we believe that we were there that day

Oh, we believe in yesterday

Suddenly we were freed to go from slavery

The Hebrew Nation we were meant to be

Our people’s birth came suddenly

Why we had to go?

We all know, we couldn’t stay

We saw something wrong

We don’t long for yesterday

Yesterday wandering it seemed we lost our way

Then we found a place where we could stay

Oh, we believe in yesterday

Why we had to go?

We all know, we couldn’t stay

We saw something wrong

We don’t long for yesterday

Yesterday we lived the story that we tell today

So our memories will not fade away

Oh, we believe in yesterday

Mmmmm…

12. To the tune of I'm Looking Through You

I'm looking for it, where did it go?

I thought I knew where, what did I know?

If it’s not found, is that an omen?

I’m looking for it—the Afikomen!

How, tell me how, did it get past my eyes?

I need to find it in order to claim my prize!

I'm looking for it—it’s in this room

How ‘bout this closet, behind the broom?

The Afikomen—it must be there

I'm looking for it, so we can share

How, tell me how, did it get past my eyes?

I need to find it in order to claim my prize!

I'm looking for it, aha at last!

I am so clever. I found it fast!

The Afikomen—it gave me fits,

Oh, no it’s broken, it’s smashed to bits!

The End

Oh yeah, all right

Are you going to be in my dreams

Tonight?

[Drum solo]

And in the end

The love you take

Is equal to the love

You make