Wednesday, April 9, 2014

With a Little Help From My Muse

Okay, it may be a bit meshuggah, well a lot meshuggah, but some things are beyond my control. Sometimes the muse inspires poetry, sometimes prose. This week it happened to be Passover song parodies. So it goes. It was the 27th of Shevat, 5724—fifty years ago—when Ed Sullivan first hosted the Beatles. Not a particularly Jewish event, but Passover is a holiday that reminds us of new beginnings—why not mark the start of Beetlemania? Regardless, music, and joy are always a part of a seder so have fun with these.

1. To the tune of Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
It was very, very long ago
Pharaoh finally let our people go
They went wandering for forty years
There was laughter and a lotta tears
And that’s the reason that we’re here
So every generation knows, of
God and Moses’ Liberation Plan

It’s God and Moses’ Liberation Plan
It must have been an awesome sight
It’s God and Moses’ Liberation Plan
We hope you will enjoy the night

God and Moses’ Liber- (We hope you like chopped liver)
God and Moses’ Liberation Plan

It's wonderful to be here
It's certainly a thrill
You're such a lovely family
We’re happy that you’re here with us
We’re happy that you’re here

It’s time to really start the meal
I can only guess what you must feel
That the singing’s going to be off key
Well, that’s the way it’s gonna be
So let me introduce to you
Seder you’ll not soon forget
And God and Moses’ Liberation Plan


2. To the tune of With A Little Help From My Friends
What would you think if I gave you a tune
To help you recall what we do?
Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song
and you’ll know exactly when we’re through

Oy, I get by with a little help from my friends
Mmm I get chai with a little help from my friends
Mmm going to try with a little help from my friends

We start with Kadesh, blessings over the wine
Then we wash our hands, it’s called Ur’chatz
Next is Karpas when we chew on some greens
And break matzah when we do Yachatz

Mmm I get chai with a little help from my friends
Mmm going to try with a little help from my friends

(Is it time to tell the story?)
Yes, we call it Magid
(Could it be any story?)
You get to choose what to read

(Would you believe we wash hands one more time?)
Yes I'm certain and it’s called Rachtzah
(What do we do just before the meal comes?)
We make Motzi and we taste Matzah

Oy, I get by with a little help from my friends
Mmm I get chai with a little help from my friends
Oy, I'm going to try with a little help from my friends

(Is there something else to do then?)
We taste the bitter Maror)
(Would it now be time for Korech?)
Yes, the sandwich that we all adore

(Doesn’t that lead into serving the feast?)
Yes thank God that it’s Shulchan Orech
(Then the kids look for the missing piece?)
Yes Tsafun, followed by Barech

(What do they call the Psalms of praise?)
That’s Hallel, and that’s what’s next
(Does this ritual ever end?)
Yes Nirtzah is the end of the text

Oy, I get by with a little help from my friends
Mmm going to try with a little help from my friends
Oy, I get chai with a little help from my friends
Yes I get by with a little help from my friends
With a little help from my friends….


3. To the tune of Norwegian Wood
We’ll h-a-a-a-a-v-e one cup of wine, or did he say, we will have four
I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I might call it quits if all they have is Manischewitz

He asked us to sit, and he told us that it’s time to pray
My prayer was answered, thank God, there’s some fine Cabernet!

I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I did as he said, biding my time, drinking his wine
He-e-e-e-e-e talked until nine and then he said “Soon we will dine”

He told me that midnight’s as late as it normally goes
I told him “I’m starving” and then I started to doze

A-a-a-a-a-n-d when I awoke I was alone, the Seder was done
I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I poured a bit more, I had to drink, cups two, three and four…


4. To the tune of Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds
Picture yourself at an elegant banquet
The table is set, the kitchen smells good
Somebody calls you, it’s your turn for reading
We’re hours away from the food

And yet you remember that there was a time
Thousands of years before
When we were slaves, and life was embittered with tears…

Dipping into brine with parsley
Dipping into brine with parsley
Dipping into brine with parsley
Aaaaahhhhh...

Follow the blessing with one sprig of parsley
Then ravenous people eat crudité plates
Somebody smiles and says, “Please pass the celery.”
You’re in an insatiable state

This symbol of springtime soon disappears
They’ve polished the whole platter off
You had been hoping for much more to eat
But it’s gone

Dipping into brine with parsley
Dipping into brine with parsley
Dipping into brine with parsley
Aaaaahhhhh...


5. To the tune of You've Got To Hide Your Love Away
Here I stand matzah in hand
What am I supposed to do?
I took the middle piece of three
Now I break it in two….

Everywhere children stare
Each and every one
They will watch my every move
Until the deed is done…

Hey! We've got to hide one half away
Hey! We've got to hide one half away

Every one of them will search
They will look around
In and out of every drawer
Turn the house upside-down

Which of them will win the prize?
Soon we will all know
When the piece is brought to me
I’ll fork out the dough

Hey! We've got to hide one half away
Hey! We've got to hide one half away


6. To the tune of Help!
Help, I got a question
Help, I got lotsa questions
Help, I need some information, help!

Why are the other nights so different from today
On other nights we eat some bread
Now it’s matzah all the way

On other nights the veggies are superb
Why tonight we take a bite of pungent bitter herbs

Help me with this meal that you’ve created
And I know we’re not supposed to feel inflated
But there’s so much here that needs to be debated
Won't you please, please help me

On other night we don’t dip our veggies once
Why tonight we dip them twice? I’m feeling like a dunce

On other nights we sit upright, nobody seems to lean
But tonight’s a different sight
I wonder what that means

Help me with this meal that you’ve created
And I know we’re not supposed to feel inflated
But there’s so much here that needs to be debated
Won't you please, please help me, help me, help me, ooh


7. To the tune of Eleanor Rigby
Ah, look at all four types of children
Ah, look at all four types of children

First is the Wise One: asks of the statutes and laws that our God has commanded of us
How to discuss?
She waits for an answer…tell her of laws of the Passover Seder, and all that we eat
She can’t be beat

All four types of children
Where do they all come from?
All four types of children
Where do they all belong?

Then comes the Wicked: watch as he sneers as he’s asking what this means to you. What can you do?
Then you must tell him, he’d not have been freed from bondage in Egypt had he been there
What does he care?

All four types of children
Where do they all come from?
All four types of children
Where do they all belong?

Ah, look at all four types of children
Ah, look at all four types of children

As for the Simple: Her question is basic, she simply inquires "What is this?" Don’t be remiss. "With a strong hand, God took us from Egypt, and freed us from bondage that day.”
That’s what you say

All four types of children
Where do they all come from?
All four types of children
Where do they all belong?

As for the last child, this is the one who does not even know how to ask. Don’t take him to task. You bring up the subject, “This marks what God did for me just by setting me free.
One day you’ll see.”

All four types of children
Where do they all come from?
All four types of children
Where do they all belong?

Ah, look at all four types of children
Ah, look at all four types of children

  
8. To the tune of Please Please Me
Last night I said these words to Pharaoh
I know one day you’ll let my people go
C'mon (C'mo), c'mon (C'mon), c'mon (C'mon), c'mon (C'mon)
Please please let us go, I ask of you

I hate to stand before you smugly
But plagues like these get rather ugly
C'mon (C'mon), c'mon (C'mon), c'mon (C'mon), c'mon (C'mon)
Please please let us go, I ask of you

I don't wanna sound complaining
But you know it could be raining locusts (yes, locusts!)
Maybe this will sound like treason, it's so hard to reason
With you, whoah yeah, what are we gonna do

Last night I said these words Pharaoh
I know one day you’ll let my people go
C'mon (C'mon), c'mon (C'mon), c'mon (C'mon), c'mon (C'mon)
Please please let us go, I ask of you
Whoa yeah, I ask of you
Whoa yeah, I ask of you


9. To the tune of I Want To Hold Your Hand
Oh yeah, I'll tell you something
I think you'll understand
When I'll say that something
We wanna leave your land
We wanna leave your land
We wanna leave your land

 Oh please, say to me
You’ll let us leave as planned
And please, say to me
You'll let us leave your land
You'll let us leave your land
We wanna leave your land

And if I strike my rod
Upon the mud
You won’t be happy as your water
Turns to blood
Turns to blood
Turns to blood

Oh yeah, I'll tell you something
I think you'll understand
When I'll say that something
We wanna leave your land
We wanna leave your land
We wanna leave your land

And if you don’t relent
Your life will be spoiled
We’ve got some other plagues
Like frogs, lice, and boils
Lice and boils
Lice and boils

Oh yeah, you’ve got that something
I think you'll understand
When I'll say that something
We wanna leave your land
We wanna leave your land
We wanna leave your land
We wanna leave your la-a-a-a-a-a-nd


10. To the tune of Day Tripper
God is the reason, we crossed the Red Sea on dry land
God is the reason, we crossed the Red Sea on dry land
He was a sea splitter, with Pharaoh in pursuit
It took us so long to get out, but we got out

The Lord said to Moses, go to the edge of the sea
The Lord said to Moses, go to the edge of the sea
He was a sea splitter, with Pharaoh in pursuit
It took us so long to get out, but we got out

We jumped in the sea, yeah, that’s when the waters withdrew
We jumped in the sea, yeah, that’s when the waters withdrew
He was a sea splitter, the chariots all got stuck
It took us so long to get out, but we got out

Sea splitter
Sea splitter yeah
Sea splitter
Sea splitter yeah


11. To the tune of Yesterday
Yesterday…Exodus may seem so far away
But we believe that we were there that day
Oh, we believe in yesterday

Suddenly we were freed to go from slavery
The Hebrew Nation we were meant to be
Our people’s birth came suddenly

Why we had to go?
We all know, we couldn’t stay
We saw something wrong
We don’t long for yesterday

Yesterday wandering it seemed we lost our way
Then we found a place where we could stay
Oh, we believe in yesterday

Why we had to go?
We all know, we couldn’t stay
We saw something wrong
We don’t long for yesterday

Yesterday we lived the story that we tell today
So our memories will not fade away
Oh, we believe in yesterday
Mmmmm…


12. To the tune of I'm Looking Through You
I'm looking for it, where did it go?
I thought I knew where, what did I know?
If it’s not found, is that an omen?
I’m looking for it—the Afikomen!

How, tell me how, did it get past my eyes?
I need to find it in order to claim my prize!

I'm looking for it—it’s in this room
How ‘bout this closet, behind the broom?
The Afikomen—it must be there
I'm looking for it, so we can share

How, tell me how, did it get past my eyes?
I need to find it in order to claim my prize!

I'm looking for it, aha at last!
I am so clever. I found it fast!
The Afikomen—it gave me fits,
Oh, no it’s broken, it’s smashed to bits!


The End
Oh yeah, all right
Are you going to be in my dreams
Tonight?

[Drum solo]

And in the end
The love you take
Is equal to the love
You make