The Loneliness Paradox

On October 5, 1965 Rabbi Sidney Ballon ז״ל delivered a Yom Kippur sermon on loneliness. He asserted that it is an inevitable condition of life for every one of us, and that rather than to deny it we can use it consciously and constructively in several ways. We can use it to increase our empathy for others, allowing us to appreciate the blessing of friendship all the more. We can use it to generate greater creative expression, as do many artists. After offering a few other observations, he concluded his address by saying that loneliness may be a gateway to faith. He quotes the author of the Psalms, David, who exclaimed “Adonai ro-ee, the Lord is my Shepherd!” This, of course reminded me of the “last sermon” of my brother, Jeff ז״ל, when he too exclaimed with conviction, “Adonai ro-ee!”

In an era where such faith seems unapproachable for so many of us, how can we use the lesson of our family’s great teachers? I search for a theological statement that is so clear and compelling that I can live by it, and moreover, share it in a meaningful way with others. The analogies of the Bible are indicators of the palpable faith of our ancestors, but serve only to reinforce the distance between ourselves and the God with whom our ancestors professed to abide.

When Sidney Ballon preaches about loneliness as a path to connection I’m intrigued by the suggested paradox. It resonates for me in its recognition that regardless of how many people and activities and social networking media we surround ourselves with, we are all inherently alone. It makes me realize that in the occasional moments of lucidity that I may experience—those moments when I feel deeply connected to the Universe—that paradox is very much at work. Our spiritual quests, even conducted in the company of our communities, are ultimately solo activities.

Thinking once again of the words of David, that Jeffrey and Sidney before him found so meaningful, I have the choice to dismiss these words or to let them inspire me to move further along my lonely walk through life’s shadows, searching for the strength, hope, and courage that they so expressively reflect. I am not sure whether it is as much a search for this strength or a search for my own metaphor to describe it. We may be subject to the belief that because there are no adequate words to describe a phenomenon then the phenomenon may not truly exist. That summarizes for me the challenge of faith in the modern age. Logic and science demand definition of the subjects they address. Religion and spirituality, by their very nature, address the issues that defy such definition. Hence we must detach from the insistence to define the indefinable and just open our hearts to accept whatever partial evidence, whatever inadequate metaphor, whatever inexpressible inkling presents itself. Even if we do not possess the courage and the poetry of a David or a Jeffrey to shout, “Adonai ro-ee,” let us be inspired by those who do. Let us remember and honor, and love them through living our lonely lives ever accompanied by their spirit.